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Been a long time.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:45 am
by kdawg
Wow. Can't believe how long it's been since I've been on these forums. Dang. I wonder if any of my friends here even remember me? Yeah, sorry guys for my long absence. Life kinda, got really really bad for me... So, here goes the updates.

My mom got really super psychotic, basically treating me like a uber rebellious dangerous juvenile delinquent, instead of an adult, telling me that she got rid of the internet, but really was lying to me and hiding our internet router and not letting me into her bedroom so I wouldn't find out, so I had to take my laptop to Wi-Fi hotspots just to get online, relying on my battery power for how long I could be on. And that's barely scratching the surface of the tip of the iceberg of the crap she was pulling...

A love triangle formed basically. I had a potential relationship, my first ever, but it proved to be a lie, a waste of time, broken promises and false hope, so I had basically wasted 7 months of my time, ended a friendship, and dealt with stress over that, for nothing. Yeah, I've had a crapton of friendships end...all blaming me for it...when really, none of it was my fault... I had dealt with so much stress last year, god...I had lost at least 10 lbs in less than a year...that's how bad it was. I had dropped a couple pants sizes too, and I was always skinny to begin with, so I did not need to lose weight. Several people told me I looked sickly, and I'm sure I did. I was always so stressed last year...suicidal thoughts were almost always present in my head...

But! I'm still here, and thank God, I finally moved out of my mom's house in mid-March! Image I'm living with 5 other people, but pretty much I work with them all (which is sad XD). But it's a 3 story, 3 bedroom, 2 and a half bath apartment, 1700 square feet, the apartment complex has a pool, and I got to bring Tiny with me. ^^ Also, I now have 2 kittens! Got them about a month ago. Um, I'm still working at my two jobs (in case you guys didn't know, I've had two jobs since September of last year), I turned 20 years old on April 8th, oh and I got my belly button pierced yesterday! XD;; It hurt. I mean it really hurt. But, I like it. That brings my piercings to 5, where it will stay. ^^

Well, I think I'll leave this here for now. I miss you guys so much! I hope no one's forgotten about me...and will forgive me for being gone for so long... I've just, been suffering so much that, I'd lost the drive for just about anything, including much of living... Now that things are somewhat better, I remember my friends here, and had to come visit. I can't wait to hear from you guys again! <3


Been a long time.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 9:16 am
by shell
Hi I am Shell. I am new to the boards still after cheaking just the updates for years on the website.

Well I have been here since March.

Sorry to here what you have been through. Nobody should have to go through that.

I have been through some tough times too. Not like yours though, but it still made feel like I wasn't good enough for anything.

Anyway welcome back to the boards. Hope things are better for you now. Image

Been a long time.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 8:57 pm
by Sarah-Lucy
wow kendra welcome back Image

there are so many members who dont post anymore here it's really nice when people come back every now and then.

sounds like you have been so busy yourself. Image

welcome back Image

Been a long time.

PostPosted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:58 pm
by msyana
/hugs Kendra



Been a long time.

PostPosted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 11:31 pm
by kdawg
It's good to see you too Chuckles. I've missed you. ^^ How goes things now? Oh and if you still want to be Facebook buddies, I can link you to my new Facebook. It's a long story with my old account... I hope you'll forgive me for not elaborating. It'd bring back a lot of bad memories. ^^;

Been a long time.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:39 am
by Mercedes-Doherty
welcome of new Image Kendra

Been a long time.

PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:39 am
by irena75
Welcome back Kendra
Uh I admire you you have 20 years and two jobs and I
I`m a looser 34 loser still without job living with father Image Image Image

Great job Kendra and have a nice summer

Been a long time.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2010 5:28 am
by kdawg
Here's my Facebook.

And I'm not someone to admire. You wanna know why? Here's something I wrote today.

I feel unneeded and unappreciated.
I feel like I'm only kept around to be everybody's walking mat and punching bag.
And I feel like I'm replaceable.
I always feel like I'm never good enough for anything, and that I'm just a complete and utter failure at everything.
I feel completely worthless, and like I'll never amount to anything, no matter how hard I try.
I feel like nobody ever wants to hang out with me, and that nobody enjoys being around me.
It's like it would've been better off if I didn't exist.
But it does me no good to talk about it, because I'm made to feel like it's my fault, or that I'm being oversensitive or whiny, and getting upset for no reason, and that just makes things worse.
I am my own person, but nobody can ever seem to accept that...or accept me...
I'm all alone... Invisible to the world...
...Why am I so different...
I swear I get whiplash from my "friends", being nice one day and mean the next.
I'm tired of being told what to do like a freaking little kid, and having my life dictated to me.
I'm tired of every single little effing thing I do being wrong in everyone's eyes!
I'm tired of being me!

This outta show how bad my life's been during my absence... Well, at the very least how it's been today, and here lately... I hate my life... I feel like I shouldn't even exist...that my life has no meaning... That I'm just a waste of space... *sigh* Sometimes I just wish I would disappear...