Vartanik Jokes

[derenik]

Vartanik returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked `How much is 2x3` I said "6" replies Vartanik. "But that`s right!" "Yeah, but then she asked me `How much is 3x2?`" "What`s the f**king difference?" asks the father. "That`s what I said!"


Vartanik and his three friends are telling stories in a bar. Vartanik leaves for a bathroom break. Three guys are left. The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was gonna be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he`s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday." The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out he got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact, he`s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday." The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. My son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. In fact, he`s so rich that he just gave his best friend a million in stock for his birthday." Vartanik comes back from the can. The first 3 explain that they are telling stories about their kids, so he says, "Well, I`m embarrassed to admit that my son is a MAJOR disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact, I just found out that he`s gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. But, I try to look at the bright side his boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house, and a million in stock for his birthday."


A guy that was in the bar for awhile goes up to the bartender and says "you see that cup over there?"(pointing to a small cup behind the counter)"i`ll bet you $100 that i can stand on that table over there"(pointing to a table at the far end of the bar)"and pee so that it gets into that cup." The bartender smiles and agrees to the offer, cause, you know, he`s thinking easy money. So the guy goes and stands on the table, does his thing and starts spinning around in circles, completely missing the cup. The whole time the bartender is smiling, thinking about the money. So the guy finishes and goes to the bartender, smiling. The bartender said "why are you smiling? you just lost $100." The guy looked at the bartender and said "yeah, well, you see those guys over there? I bet them $1000 that I could pee all over your bar, and you`d be smiling."


A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.

He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck . If he wants intercourse, don't resist, just do what he tells you! This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very attractive, and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..


In class the teacher asks the students which part of your body goes to heaven first? some students say the heart because Jesus is in our heart. some say the mind because you pray. vartanik raises his hand and says our legs! the teacher is very surprised so she asks vartanik why do u think its the legs? and vartanik says because last night I saw my mom her legs spread out and raised in the air she was screaming "ohh god I’m coming"


Vartanik wakes up several nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents` room. Finally, one morning he says to his mom, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you`re bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh...well...ah...well, I`m bouncing on his stomach because he`s fat and that makes him thin again." The boy responds, "That won`t work!" His mom says, "Why not?" The boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave for work each day and blows him back up.


A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"? She calls on little Vartanik. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot." The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little Vartanik says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well, I suppose the one that`s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Vartanik replied, "The correct answer is `the one with the wedding ring on,` but I like your thinking."


One day Vartanik dies and goes to heaven. He meets a guy up their named Gurgen. One day Gurgen says: "Vartanik , how did you die?" Vartanik says: "I froze to death . What about you ?" Gurgen says : " I thought my wife was cheating on me so i searched the whole house to find a guy . When i didn`t find the guy , i had a heart attack and died ." Vartanik says: " You stupid moron , if u checked the freezer , we both would have been alive now."

[shannendrules3]

those our HILARIOUS!!!!!

Thanks for sharing!
Kate

[derenik]

[alwaysastar]

thanks derenik theyre are funny!!

[derenik]