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need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 12:54 pm
by littlemissbad
ok heres the thing.

i have this person who im really close to, and he is going through a lot of problems.

the thing is though, he wont talk to me about things. then he says that i dont understand him. but what im i supposed to do if he wont talk to me.

im so worried about him, that i cant sleep and stuff. he is very deppressed and im scared that he'll do something silly.

he is having professtional (sp?) help, but it doesnt seem to be working for him.

if he talked and opened up to me, im sure i could help him. i mean i want to help him, he means more to me than the world. and sometimes i think he is the only person i have.

i dont tell him how concerned i am for him, because i dont think that would help the matter.

what to do? xoox Image

need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 1:21 pm
by thefifthsister
You could suggest that he write everything down in a letter and if/when he feels he can talk about it he can give you the letter and never have to deal with you face to face until he's ready to.

It's something I suggested to a friend who seemed to be in a similar situation. Sometimes just writing things down helps collect thoughts and then it's there if they can't deal with talking to someone.

He's really lucky to have a friend like you Lee and we're all lucky to have you here for us if we ever need help or advice Image

*Hugs*

xoxoxo Image

need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 1:30 pm
by littlemissbad
thanks hun.

as sad as this may sound, you guys are like my only friends.

xoox Image

need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 1:32 pm
by thefifthsister
*BigHugsJustForLee*

*hugs*

xoxoxo Image

need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 2:07 pm
by shannenzbitch
littlemissbad wrote:thanks hun.

as sad as this may sound, you guys are like my only friends.

xoox Image


Hey Lee, that can't be true - obviously this friend you speak of is very lucky to have you. Unfortunately there are always those who are quite obvious about the fact that they have problems, but then refuse to discuss them. Often with people like that, the more you push for answers, the more they withdraw into their shells.

The best thing you can do is tell him that you're there for him when he's ready and give him space when it seems that he's feeling crowded. Lauren's idea about the letter is a good one, as it gives him the freedom to come to you in his own time.

The other thing to do, and I know this is hard, is to try not to let yourself be dragged down with him. As difficult a time as this obviously is for him, you've got to try not to let yourself become drawn so far into his troubles that your own health is affected. This is for both of your sakes; if you end up ill or exhausted from stress, then what help can you possibly be to him? You've got to take care of yourself too hun, because people who are depressed in that way take a lot of energy to support. He's very lucky to have you to lean on; I hope he realises that. Image *HugsforLee*

need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 2:38 pm
by littlemissbad
^^i think he does realise that. well at least i hope he does.

i can help people when they are down, but when it's someone close to you it's really hard.

and when they wont let you help them, it's even harder. xoox Image

need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 8:30 pm
by lover
First thing, I can tell you what not to do- Don't push him to talk. I lost various friendships with worthy people for this and it took me a long time to realise they were right, to the point I became exactly like this, and didn't realise how I was that blind before.

Sometimes people wouldn't talk to you soley becase they know you well enough to realise you wouldn't get it. I think we all have the sort of people we can talk to and the people we can't, maybe that's the thing. Or maybe he says that you don't understand that he just can't talk.

I wouldn't suggest asking other people, done that and had it done to me-- People always find out about it and it creates an uproar that would make things even worse.

I know you're worried, it's perfectly understandable, but if he's getting professional help it's a good thing. It may not help now, but it will eventually (for those who believe in therapy). These things take a lot of time, soemtimes even years, so he might be getting the help he needs gradually. If not, he might need a new therapist.

If he can't talk to you, maybe he thinks you can't help, maybe he doesn't want to bother you or maybe he just can't. Either way, I think giving him his space, while telling him he's really important to you and you're always there to listen, even if you're not sure you can help- will do the trick eventually. Give him time, he'll come to you when he's ready.


You're right, you're not supposed to understand if he's not telling you anything, if you think it's the right time to tell him that and it wouldn't cause an argument, tell him you can't read his mind, therefore you can't help. Depressed people don't always end up doing something silly, trust me. But if you see any signs of that, as much as it'd cause an argument, confront him about it. Better safe than sorry.

Show that you're there for him, be around and notice his signs when he does decide he wants to talk. If not, this could end up pretty badly. I've lost the ability to help some of my friends on time and wished I just noticed it sooner and been there for them.

Bottom line- After saying what you need to say- stay around, but give him space (and time) until he realises what is going on and decides to come to you. I hope he will, and hope it'll all end up for the best.

x

need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:38 pm
by msyana
Cleaned the thread a bit for you littlemissbad 8)

love

Yana

ps. and yes the troll has been banned in case people wonder.

need to talk to some one.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:03 pm
by thefifthsister
I'm sure she'll appreciate it Yana.

How're things going sweetie? How's your friend doing?

*hugs*

xoxoxo Image