by lover » Sun Mar 08, 2009 8:30 pm
First thing, I can tell you what not to do- Don't push him to talk. I lost various friendships with worthy people for this and it took me a long time to realise they were right, to the point I became exactly like this, and didn't realise how I was that blind before.
Sometimes people wouldn't talk to you soley becase they know you well enough to realise you wouldn't get it. I think we all have the sort of people we can talk to and the people we can't, maybe that's the thing. Or maybe he says that you don't understand that he just can't talk.
I wouldn't suggest asking other people, done that and had it done to me-- People always find out about it and it creates an uproar that would make things even worse.
I know you're worried, it's perfectly understandable, but if he's getting professional help it's a good thing. It may not help now, but it will eventually (for those who believe in therapy). These things take a lot of time, soemtimes even years, so he might be getting the help he needs gradually. If not, he might need a new therapist.
If he can't talk to you, maybe he thinks you can't help, maybe he doesn't want to bother you or maybe he just can't. Either way, I think giving him his space, while telling him he's really important to you and you're always there to listen, even if you're not sure you can help- will do the trick eventually. Give him time, he'll come to you when he's ready.
You're right, you're not supposed to understand if he's not telling you anything, if you think it's the right time to tell him that and it wouldn't cause an argument, tell him you can't read his mind, therefore you can't help. Depressed people don't always end up doing something silly, trust me. But if you see any signs of that, as much as it'd cause an argument, confront him about it. Better safe than sorry.
Show that you're there for him, be around and notice his signs when he does decide he wants to talk. If not, this could end up pretty badly. I've lost the ability to help some of my friends on time and wished I just noticed it sooner and been there for them.
Bottom line- After saying what you need to say- stay around, but give him space (and time) until he realises what is going on and decides to come to you. I hope he will, and hope it'll all end up for the best.
x