So i moved in about 7 months ago i started off in this amazing place in essex and i loved it so much the people there were fantastic. I had a very close relationship with one of the female members of staff there i dont know wether im alowed to say names so i will just say her first name Joy she was the most amazing person ive ever met in my life and she really cared for me and i did her i could tell her anything i would criy to her for hours and other times we would laugh and just have a really nice time. I got to close tho i would say as people started saying i had a really obsesive realtionship with her and that really upset me as i thorght it was more than that i wasnt in love with her or anything i just loved her in a way that no one would or could even try to understand. So i started giving her letters about how i felt and she read them but didnt give any back as that would have been classed as ''unprofeional''. But i new she felt more for me and she some times looked as if she was going to criy she told me that she was my rock and that she really cared for me and she would look into my eyes and tell me how proud she was of me i thorght i could never lose her.But as things carried on i started self harming and absconding from the childrens home and things just got out of control i got aressested for a fight with another girl there and i even got raped through this time there wile i was out once. But i still told her evreything that was going on and she understood me she just could see right thorugh me like nothing eles mattered. But one day things got really out of control and i was self harming badly and assulting staff and i hurt Joy and i can never forgive myself for what i did i was taken away in a police van and i could see her criying her eyes out that was the worst moment in my life.i was then secitoned under the mentle heath act by the police for a night and then went on to another placement but i could never forget never let go.I sent her letters evrey week and i still do. So i have now been in sevral placments that have broken down through getting aresested (Assult,Criminal damage ect) I have to attend my frist corut case next week and hopfuly the last. I have been going on trains up and down to see her but when i get there she just looks at me through a glass window and looks as if shes going to criy. Ive been told since that she thinks im ''stalking'' her and she dosnt want to go into work anymore or see me and aparntly she will be leaving but i have spoken to residents there and they say shes not. So i dont no what shes feeling i never get a reply just to know that this is coming from her or when i phone i get the phone put down on me by other staff. So i dont no what to belive and i think thats not the Joy i know to say these things to do this to me i still self harm somtimes and i have so much pain inside me and dont know what to do shes the most beautiful person ive met and i know i will find her, be with her someday shes the light in my life. I just dont know what to do somtimes i feel so helpless and that hurts so much.
Georgina xxx
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