I really need support right now

[charmednpruefan]

Um, well I feel really awkward discussing this with people I hardly know, but, I don't want to worry any of my friends or family. I know it's Christmas time, and everyone is happy and joyful and everything, but if you had time to kind of help me out, it would mean the world, especially if Shannen gave me some advice. Well, just a little background on me, I have depression and am on medication, I have never been popular and have pretty low self-esteem. My parents are divorced, and I hardly ever see my dad, and besides that, I'm almost always alone. Well anyway, I told my mom that I liked Shannen a lot about a year and a half ago. I have always stood by Shannen, telling my mom how kind Shan is and how important she is to me. my best friend might get taken out of her house because her dad beat her. I know that this is what is best for her, but I still feel like all of my friends abandon me. My friend Sarah moved about two miles away, and she never talks to me anymore because she's too busy with her "new life". I don't know why I bother sometimes. I try to be the neutral side, the bigger person, everything! But it never seems that I do any good. My friends all ignore me until they get hurt, then they tell me how much they wish they would have listened to me. But they always go and do the same things over and over. My whole life is crashing down, and I don't know what to do. I don't see why I should go on living, and I doubt that I could count the number of times I've stood on that ledge, looking down so longingly at the freezing water below. It looks so comforting and I just wish I could escape from it all, escape from life. I can't do that either, I feel like I would be hurting so many people, and letting down my friends, my family, Shan, just so many people. But when is it my turn to be the comforted, not the comforter. I am always the one people come to with problems, and my friends are always having problems, so I feel like I'm being selfish if I try to talk to them about it. I don't really know what to do anymore. Anyway, I doubt that many of you would even notice if I were gone, or care for that matter, but I was hoping, that somewhere, one of my families would help me, and finally give me the chance to cry and be weak, not constantly strong. I'm sick of being the rock, and I wish to myself I was six-feet under.

Depressed,
Jill

[frz]

Hi

I'm a little confuse now , R U upset because all of your friends tell you their problems and you always give them advice and you can't take it anymore or you are upset cause your family don't listen to you about your idol .

I think in the case of to being rock and get advise to your friends and hear your friends problems , It's very kind and sweet to help them out but you shouldn't carry their problems on your shoulders . it's not a good thing to do . When I'm listening to my friends problems (not internet's friends , I mean my friends who talked with me on the phone and are around me) I make ears like a Enter & Exit doors , One of them is Enter and the other is Exit . It's not mean that I don't care about my friends , Actually I love them so much but I have to be strong to be there for them . Antway , When I'm listening to my friends problems I use Enter door and keep them in my mind and I'll give any advice that is good for them . After we finished talking I'll send the problems out from the Exit door . I hope you understand what I mean .

About your family , We can't tell them to love who or who hate to . Their are like us and they can love someone or not , but if we love one person but they don't the better thing to is ignore their hate and their ignorance .
I love Angelina , you have no idea how much I love her , She's like a close friend to me even that I never talked with her . My Mom respects my Love but my grandma and my friends doesn't so I just ignore them cause They can't make me to hate her or love someone else cause this is what I want and Who I love
btw , I love Shannen alot toooo

(Sorry I wanted to talk so easy but cause of my very bang bang english I can't talk better than this , I hope you understand what I'm saying)

[frz]

Ooooooooooh !!! I almost forgot

I wanna give you a big HUG and I hope you feel better now I'll give you kisses tooooooo

[charmednpruefan]

Yeah, I understand what you are saying. One of my best friends has a very difficult time with English as well, it's frustrating at times, but I love her so much it doesn't bother me much. Anyway, not any of those things by themselves would cause me to freak, but when it's everything, things just get so chaotic. My friend's problems are my problems, and that is only, well mainly, because I'm the one who takes a risk and tells someone, people get mad at me all the time, I even get death threats, but I'm just so protective of them, that I don't care. They have no idea how much I care about them and how much they mean to me. They think I am a strong person, someone not afraid of anything, someone who can take care of herself. When something happens, I have to ignore it, or they will see what I am really like. I cry constantly on the inside, but never shed a tear (unless I'm acting) on the outside. I worry about things that I can never change, and another problem that I constantly worry about, that I didn't mention. I want to be an actress more than anything in the world. I practice doing scenes everyday. I do anything I can to be onstage at school, I take classes, I go to Shawnee Mission North High School, and that school produces tons of great actresses, and Dr. Phil too. I try out for the plays, but I never get the parts, even though almost everyone I know, even people who don't like me tell me I would have been better than the person who got the part. My world is falling apart, and I want to be a star, I'm tired of being invisible. I want to let my fans know that I care, like Shan does, I would answer every letter, every e-mail, answer any question!! It's not fair that acting is like eighty percent luck! I am the world's most unlucky person, I have talent, and I almost wish I didn't because if I didn't, I wouldn't think I could be an actress. Besides that, there is no way I am pretty enough to act, Shan, Holly, Alyssa, Rose, Julianne, they are all gorgous. I could never compete with any of them, or even most people. I wish sometimes that I could just let go of my dreams, but every time I think about not being an actress, I say "Well, if not that what?" and I never have an answer. I don't want to be anything else, not really. It would be okay to be a vet, but that is a very competitive field as well. Then I say to myself "You can't do anything. What is the point. If not an actress then why should you even be alive?" and I try to ignore it, but the words scream in my head! I can't get away, they posess me! I don't even have a chance to get away from it because I have all these other voices, telling me their problems, who I should or shouldn't like, and then I see the people I love get hurt, and I blame myself, because I think I should have prevented it, I should have been there. I would die for any of my friends, any of them, without hesitation. I don't know why I feel the way I do, but I can't get away from it, and I don't know why.

Confused,
Jill

PS. I have never expressed myself out loud before, and I know I must seem like a nutcase, but just saying helps sometimes. And I'm sorry if I worry anyone, but I'll pull through, I always do. I'm a rock, even if it's hard. I'm not a quitter, and I never will be.

[frz]

Dear don't say that you can't . It's not easy to get what we want , it's very hard and we have to fight for it until we get it .

You can't help all of your friends , you can give them advice but you can't do more than that until they want to help themselves too .

I think you are an amazing person and fight for what you want to do and if you wanna be an actress you should fight for it to get it . Just don't give up on things that soon .

So many actors and actresses didn't become one so easily and they really had a hard life . Like Tom Hanks , Billy Bob Thornton or so many others .

I'll pray for you . Just don't give up on things so fast . You are only 15 (If I'm right) and you have so many years to live so don't give up

[charmednpruefan]

Thanks, yeah, I am 15. You actually know who I am? Finally starting to feel visible. See, I won't do anything to myself, to hurt myself, no matter how close I get. My friends would kill me if I didn't succeed. But so many times the only reason I kept going was because I knew Shan would be there for me, and my dog would miss me too. I keep striving for my dream, even though it seems impossible, only because of the people I will meet if I get there. I know for a fact that Holly had a really hard life, but her mom seems to have supported her in her decisions, my mom doesn't. I can't hardly do anything right it seems. I never seem to be good enough. Well anyway, I'm going to go to bed, or maybe just read a book. Since I'm on vacation, I might stay up and PM Shan again, maybe this time she'll have time to answer.

Love,
Jill

[shannenchicafan]

Jill,
You can ask BASICALLY ANYONE HERE I basically sounded the same as you when I first joined, but they will tell you I have changed a lot. I still have depression and I still have those feelings but I always things that if shannen, kristin and dianna know i want to die that they would probably kill me myself. i think of those 3 people because they have a lot of impact on my life. kristin and dianna are my online sisters. us 3 always go to each other for our problems. me and lindsay are becoming close as i am with dianna and kristin dont worry about it. you will make it. if you want pm kristin and ask her if i have change.
DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID

Thank You and Love YA,
Haylie

[charmednpruefan]

I know that this is a problem that affects a lot of people, especially teenage girls. I won't do anything stupid, because for one thing, I know I would probably mess up anyway, and for another, I don't want to let anyone down. I don't need to ask anyone, but if they want to PM me and try to help me through this they can. Your word is enough for me, and I know that you must have been pretty depressed, because Shan (or does she like Shay better?) tried to get you on Dr. Phil. Anyway, I promise, I won't do anything stupid. At least not anytime soon. I guess I have quite a bit going for me, my friends always say how jealous they are of me, but that doesn't make any sense either, they are all so beautiful, special, kind, everything I want, I have in my friends, well, everything I want in a friend, I have in all my friends, because obviously they can't make me an actress or anything, but I'm getting off the subject. Anyway, I swear I won't.

Love and Thanks,
Jill

[shannenchicafan]

[charmednpruefan]

Thanks everyone! I'm really proud to be a part of this family. Even if I doubt anyone can make me feel entirely better, you have all helped, and it means the world to me that you took the time to lend me an ear and give me advice. I want you all to know that I really love you all, Shan and everyone else included.

Love,
Jill